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Monday, July 4, 2011

I was supposed to be able to sleep in today...

Ok, so I've been kicking around the idea of starting a blog for a while now. The one thing that has really held me back - other than, well, thinking NO ONE is going to read it - is that I don't know how much time I will be able to devote to it.

But as I'm sitting here at just after 6am on a day that I should've been able to sleep in as I don't have to work and I don't have my child, I figured - Why not?

Here's the story....

After going to bed kind of late last night....sometime after midnight, I woke up sometime between three and four am because I heard a noise. A noise that sounded like something fell over, not a big crash or anything like that. It just sounded like a stack of papers fell of the dresser in my room. Which is really odd because there isn't a stack of papers on my dresser.

Half asleep, I laid there quietly listening for something else. I happened to be looking at the ceiling where there's a faint blue glow reflected from the light on my air purifier. As I'm looking (and listening), I see what appears to be a black shadow cross that blue reflection. At first, I thought I imagined it. But there it went again, really fast and sort of smallish. Must be some kind of play on lights and reflection with car lights from outside, I thought groggily, or I'm just that tired, my eyes are playing tricks on me. So I get up to use the bathroom, then flop back in bed and go to sleep.

About two hours later, I am again woken up by a noise. What IS that, I think again. It sounded like there was air blowing through the floor register making the strings to the blinds sway, and those little plastic things at the end were knocking into each other. Huh, that's all it is, I tell myself and close my eyes to go back to sleep. Then I think, But I don't have the air on...... And as I'm puzzling that, I hear something crash into the blinds and my eyes snap open. All of the sudden I see it, a black shape flitting this way and that in my bedroom!

WTF?! You have GOT to be kidding me!!! Another one?! Another freaking bat in my house??? This is SO not something I want to deal with right now! Damn you Chad for not staying the night! Come ON, this is unbelievable! And about a zillion other thoughts were going through my head as I watched it swooping around my room. How the hell am I going to get out of bed without that thing flying into my head?!

Now, let me just say, I'm not scared of bats, but that doesn't mean I want to touch one, let alone have it fly into my head and get tangled in my hair. So as I'm contemplating how to get out of bed, sit up and crouch low, slide off the mattress onto the floor, tuck & roll, the damn thing swoops lower and lower and I'm worried that it's going to hit me in the face as I'm lying there. So I stretch my arms out above the bed and pull the sheet up with it to form a barrier between me and the bat. And I start to slide my legs over the side of the bed. Then I remember, the lamp! My bedside lamp!

With one arm holding the sheet up, I use the other to reach over and turn the lamp on and there it is. And it's freaking huge! I'm not kidding, the wingspan on the thing has got to be at least eight inches! But now that I've turned the light on, it darts through the doorway. Perfect chance! I jump up out of bed and come out of the bedroom, closing the door behind me. It's flying around the living room, dining room and kitchen so I hurry up and close the bathroom door and Morgan's bedroom door. (Thankfully she isn't here for this.) All the while I'm having to keep watch on the bat because it's flying all over the place and I keep having to duck to avoid it. My main thought at this point is how I really don't want it to fly into my head and get tangled in my hair. Especially as I didn't have my hair pulled back and it was already a rat's nest from sleeping on it.

As I'm standing (and ducking) there, I realize again how much bigger it is than the other one that was in my house last fall. (Yup, this is the second time I've had to deal with this!) And I really don't want this sucker in my hair, so I run for one of the blankets on the back of my  couch and I hold that up in front of me while I'm contemplating how to catch the damn thing. Meanwhile, it's still flying around and flies into the window and falls to the window sill. I don't want to hurt it and I feel bad for it. I keep flipping lights on so I can see it and I think by doing so, I'm disorienting it further. Suddenly, I remember I was able to catch the last one in a shoe box (as it clung to the cold air return in my daughter's bedroom). So I slowly backed up to my bedroom door and ducked inside. I grabbed a shoebox out of the top of my closet and dumped the shoes on the bed. I crack the door open and look out to see if it's nearby and I hear another noise like it crashed into something else. I don't see it so I come out of the room and shut the door behind me.

Did it fly down to the basement, I wondered? So I started walking down the steps with the box out in front of me. After a slight pause at the bottom, I reach around the corner and flip the light on to the finished side. Nothing. Ok, maybe it's flying around the unfinished side. So I turn and reach around the corner to that side and flip that light on. Nothing! WTF?

Leaving those lights on, I come back up the stairs keeping an eye out for it. Still not seeing it, I decide to grab my broom and start poking around, in the plant, under the table, behind the stack of tubs full of garage sale stuff, etc. Still nothing. So I decide that maybe the lights are too much for it and it's hiding. I flip a few off, then decide it's still too bright so I turn off every single one except the one over my basement stairs. That one operates on a dimmer switch so I turned it down really low and I stood there for a few minutes convinced that it is somewhere in the kitchen/dining area.

All the while, it is getting brighter and brighter outside. Finally, it gets to the point where I can shut the dimmer all the way off and still see reasonably well. Then I got really sick of waiting in the dark and got to thinking that this would probably be an amusing story for others that aren't living it (I'll find it funny later, after the bat is out of my house). And I start thinking about the blog thing again. I've been told I should do one and I guess, what better way to start it off, right?

Well, here it is, almost two hours after it woke me up the second time and I still don't know where it is. I'm trying to patiently wait it out and hope that it starts flying again, rather than having to try to suss it out. But I don't want to do that, because, again, I don't want a bat flying into my head!

I thought maybe it would reappear as I was writing this, and while I've heard a few noises that may or may not be it moving about in its hiding place (I still think somewhere in the dining area), it remains unseen. Ugh, I think I'm going to have to go look for it. What if I don't find it though? What if I have to wait until tonight? What if it shits wherever it is? I don't want batshit in my house! OMG, I am so not looking forward to this.......

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